In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
