we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
