it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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