well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
