dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
