well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
