I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
