How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Semen is not good for contacts.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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