so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
