Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize