Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i think my cat just said my name.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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