using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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