hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
