: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I looked at my own cervix.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
