If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize