He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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