Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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