someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
