she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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