Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I want to be your penis for a week.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize