I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
