Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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