I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
