it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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