Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
