I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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