Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
