I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
