when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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