This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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