Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize