My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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