i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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