I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize