You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
