Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
