Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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