i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
