so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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