Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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