she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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