I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
