What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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