I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
