I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
