so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
