id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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