I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
