Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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