The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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