I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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