yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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