You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
