Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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