Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
