I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
