even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
