i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
