As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
