you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
