I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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