got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How does it feel to date your dad?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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