If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize