I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize