I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
