i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
