Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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