my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
