Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
